Post 14: Sunsets and the Dark

Sunsets

My favorite part of the day is laying on the couch, thinking and watching the sunset. It’s something I’ve done for many years now and less so recently. I don’t know why I’ve always been so drawn to the sun, even since a young age when I would wake up just to watch it rise in the early mornings.

Today as I lay on the couch in the orange sun beams, drinking a delicious spiced apple beer I began to think about my life. The tree branches were black as they stood against the blue sky with wispy orange and white clouds surrounding them, a picture couldn’t do it justice, nor a video. It was a moment that only I had and that I cannot rightfully share. That made me think about my past, growing up, and my family. I expect sometime in the future I will have to tell all of these things to my future girlfriends, my future wife, and my future children and friends. I feel like the more I tell it the better I will be at picking out the more important information but I don’t think I can rightfully tell my story and express how I felt at the time. Maybe one day, but not yet.

The Dark

A few nights before we were watching TV and the power went out. Instantly me and my dad turned on the fireplace and lit some candles for light and heat. For an hour or so we talked and eventually my brother and his gf joined us. It was nice, and felt natural. It made me realize that a world without electricity is not that far away. And that sometimes even the smallest technology has a drastic influence on our culture. If you don’t believe me try to live a few days without electricity. Go somewhere far away where such things are not available or not easily used. You’ll see what I mean, just realize that’s what life is really like underneath our society. We are but people, humble and simple, I think it’s important we don’t forget that.

POST 13: No Connection

Thanks to my friend Peter's advice/comments I am going to try to filter my thoughts a little bit less and give you a little bit more raw Geoff. Peter also suggested longer posts and I was a little hesitant to because I might step on some toes, but after all you are reading my thoughts so take that into consideration!! lol

Future

Anyways I'm very hopefully for the future. I'm very happy with school and think I definitely am in the right field. I have finally confirmed that I will be getting a History minor. I plan on eventually teaching and would LOVE to make documentaries. I'm working on getting back into shape and although I have been lazy the last few days I have become very serious about what I eat and how much I exercise and hope to see some healthy lifestyle changes in the future.

Nonsense

What's really been on my mind lately is (not going to lie) girls. Anyone who knows my history knows that I haven't dated a lot. And the few times I have dated weren't anything special (no offense to anyone I dated). I haven't ever felt like I've EVER found a girl who understands me and wants a relationship. I've in the past not been very comfortable with myself but that has drastically changed in the last year, especially the last two months. In order to date again I think I need to be more lighthearted and fun because those are two things I have been missing for quite some time. I'm willing to admit that but I feel like if I did find (a sane) girl in the near future that she might help me out with that. Not many people understand that I've spent a few years thinking about a lot of serious stuff and didn't have time to think about silly dating. Now I'm afraid I'm stuck serious mode and that it might take a push outside of my conscious mental capacity to get their.

I hate to admit it even though it’s the ONE thing I want to post as my status on Facebook, but I don’t due to not wanting to promote my self loathing. Know what I’m talking about? No? Well the sad little fact is I’m lonely. I try to keep busy and work on improving myself in order to keep my mind off of it, but deep down it’s my truth. The sad fact is I run on happy thoughts, fun outings, good talks, and hugs/kisses and my tank has been running on empty for a long time.

No Connection

Ah, you see that? I used the title in my sub-title. Is their a connection? If you said yes, your actually wrong. Their is no connection. Anyways to continue on this path that were on I’m pretty void these days of emotional connection. I have such a hard time relating to people, to picture getting to know them almost in any sense. I think, what’s the point? Don’t get me wrong, I do WANT to have a connection. I just don’t know whether it be because I don’t know how, I’ve forgotten, or I’m just scared. Maybe all three. I just don’t know how to get better, and although I’m all about self help and doing it myself I don’t think I can on this one. I’ve tried and I just feel like I’ve been beating my head against the wall. Me and my dad share a lot and he said just to have faith and that I’ll end up where I need to be. So now I’m stepping aside and trying to let things happen naturally, and man have I discovered how impatient I am. I once was told I was the most patient person anyone had known, but now days I am certainly not. It’s just so frustrating!!! I’m tired of getting the short end of the stick, for once it would be good if the ball rolled my way, so that’s what I’m doing.

Money?

I really don’t have much. I haven’t worked since October and recently applied at Best Buy but don’t know if I did well answering the first question. You see the interviewer took me into the break room to have my interview and the TV was on with Eagle Eye on and people talking and it was kind of overwhelming. I’m not too worried though, I don’t really care if I don’t get it. I probably should apply somewhere else soon, but I don’t know where would be good to work. If you have a suggestion that you think I might be good at let me know. I just really need a job to buy everyone Christmas gifts, I would feel like a lame son/brother if I didn’t get anyone anything. You know how it goes….

Reader Response (that’s you!!)

So what do you guys think about everything I’ve said? I would love to hear your feedback so comment below in the comments section.

 

 

 

 

P.S. Dear Peter, I hope this was long enough, by not filtering myself I filled up more space just for you.

POST 12: (CONT) THE MOJO, Operation Awesome, and Another Season in Life

The MOJO

As I stated in an earlier post because of that night I got my MOJO back. With one kiss and a phone number (of which didn’t really have much significance) I got a spark to a fire that had laid dormant for a few years now. It felt like shackles fell off and I got a part of humanity back, that I was now ready for greater relationships. Because of the surprise discovery of my MOJO (which was long thought lost) I now have the confidence to do what I’ve wanted to for awhile:

Operation Awesome

No, this isn’t an actual step by step operation, and no I didn’t actually name it that, but the name represents the idea fairly well. Anyways the point of the operation is that now that I have confidence I’m beginning to accomplish a lot of things that I had previously felt too exhausted to. With this in mind I hope to work to make myself better by accomplishing a few things:

1. Getting in shape.
2. Spending my time better.
3. Finding stuff to do with friends.
4. Hanging out with girls/going on dates.

Although a simple plan, it’s been awhile since my glory days in all of those, and I was never good at them anyways. Still, these are things I want to do because they are who I think I want to be.

Another Season in Life

As some of you might know my older brother Scott is moving out, and while it has been very hard him in the past I think this is the right move for him. He needs his personal space and I think he will be much happier. I feel like this part of my life (whatever it’s called) is past me, and while I’ll miss a lot of it I have to leave it in the past. I’ve grown from it and now I’ve got to be happy with now, the present. The world is moving round me, and I pray everyday I point my sails in the right direction.

POST 12: Trying Something New

Friday (before) Halloween

A lot of my good friends were at that very fun party Friday night at Sir Mark Jeff, Nate, and Ryan’s place and great fun was had. There was a little bit of drinking, some socializing, a lot of laughs, a few phone numbers tossed about and even one lucky Wolverine (myself) got a surprise kiss. Anyways, you wonder

Why in God’s name is Geoff telling me this story that goes nowhere?”

Which leads me to the following posts:

Recovery of  THE MOJO, Operation Awesome, and Another Season in Life.

POST 11: Growing

It seems no matter how old we get we still are always growing. Not physically (because old people are short) but mentally. It’s a weird feeling to find yourself standing next to your dad in the plain of life and find that he’s asking the same questions you are.

Our Basic Questions

What have I been through?

Why am I doing this?

And what am I doing with my life?

The last few years have been hard for me and my family and to say the least were all shell shocked. And because I’ve been through so much I find the parts of my life that were once set aside have started up.

I’m Growing

Now I’m growing, and as Juno MacGruff once said:

“I don’t know what kind of person I am”.

I know what I value but I sadly don’t know what I find purpose in. I feel like I’m lost, and don’t have a place in life right now. I’m not sure what has meaning to me and might never know because of how scared I am to find out.

POST 10: I’ve found my Mojo baby, yeahhh!

I was thinking Austin Powers 2 for that intro. Lol. Anyways I've been kind of busy lately, and my laptop died so that's my excuse for not posting in a bit. (lame excuse, I know) . Anyways I think I've found my Mojo. It's been about a year since I've dated and to be honest I haven't dated much in my entire lifetime. I'm not going to lie, I've been kind of scared to date, and it's eaten me up. This has all changed recently. No I'm not dating anyone, but at a Halloween party the other night I was talking to this girl and she was really into me, she gave me her number. Now that's pretty much the first time that has EVER happened and although she is a really nice girl I don't think it's going to work. Sad I know, but good things DEFINITELY came out of this. The events of that night sparked a feeling I haven't had in me for a long, long time. I somehow regained so much confidence in myself and feel like I used to. I was feeling so well I woke up at 7:30 this morning and went jogging, than while at school I started talking to random people. I cannot describe how happy I am at this moment and how such a little thing could make me feel so much better. To all my readers (if any) remember that sometimes even the smallest, dumbest, positive thing can make a difference.