Thanks to my friend Peter's advice/comments I am going to try to filter my thoughts a little bit less and give you a little bit more raw Geoff. Peter also suggested longer posts and I was a little hesitant to because I might step on some toes, but after all you are reading my thoughts so take that into consideration!! lol
Future
Anyways I'm very hopefully for the future. I'm very happy with school and think I definitely am in the right field. I have finally confirmed that I will be getting a History minor. I plan on eventually teaching and would LOVE to make documentaries. I'm working on getting back into shape and although I have been lazy the last few days I have become very serious about what I eat and how much I exercise and hope to see some healthy lifestyle changes in the future.
Nonsense
What's really been on my mind lately is (not going to lie) girls. Anyone who knows my history knows that I haven't dated a lot. And the few times I have dated weren't anything special (no offense to anyone I dated). I haven't ever felt like I've EVER found a girl who understands me and wants a relationship. I've in the past not been very comfortable with myself but that has drastically changed in the last year, especially the last two months. In order to date again I think I need to be more lighthearted and fun because those are two things I have been missing for quite some time. I'm willing to admit that but I feel like if I did find (a sane) girl in the near future that she might help me out with that. Not many people understand that I've spent a few years thinking about a lot of serious stuff and didn't have time to think about silly dating. Now I'm afraid I'm stuck serious mode and that it might take a push outside of my conscious mental capacity to get their.
I hate to admit it even though it’s the ONE thing I want to post as my status on Facebook, but I don’t due to not wanting to promote my self loathing. Know what I’m talking about? No? Well the sad little fact is I’m lonely. I try to keep busy and work on improving myself in order to keep my mind off of it, but deep down it’s my truth. The sad fact is I run on happy thoughts, fun outings, good talks, and hugs/kisses and my tank has been running on empty for a long time.
No Connection
Ah, you see that? I used the title in my sub-title. Is their a connection? If you said yes, your actually wrong. Their is no connection. Anyways to continue on this path that were on I’m pretty void these days of emotional connection. I have such a hard time relating to people, to picture getting to know them almost in any sense. I think, what’s the point? Don’t get me wrong, I do WANT to have a connection. I just don’t know whether it be because I don’t know how, I’ve forgotten, or I’m just scared. Maybe all three. I just don’t know how to get better, and although I’m all about self help and doing it myself I don’t think I can on this one. I’ve tried and I just feel like I’ve been beating my head against the wall. Me and my dad share a lot and he said just to have faith and that I’ll end up where I need to be. So now I’m stepping aside and trying to let things happen naturally, and man have I discovered how impatient I am. I once was told I was the most patient person anyone had known, but now days I am certainly not. It’s just so frustrating!!! I’m tired of getting the short end of the stick, for once it would be good if the ball rolled my way, so that’s what I’m doing.
Money?
I really don’t have much. I haven’t worked since October and recently applied at Best Buy but don’t know if I did well answering the first question. You see the interviewer took me into the break room to have my interview and the TV was on with Eagle Eye on and people talking and it was kind of overwhelming. I’m not too worried though, I don’t really care if I don’t get it. I probably should apply somewhere else soon, but I don’t know where would be good to work. If you have a suggestion that you think I might be good at let me know. I just really need a job to buy everyone Christmas gifts, I would feel like a lame son/brother if I didn’t get anyone anything. You know how it goes….
Reader Response (that’s you!!)
So what do you guys think about everything I’ve said? I would love to hear your feedback so comment below in the comments section.
P.S. Dear Peter, I hope this was long enough, by not filtering myself I filled up more space just for you.
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