It has once again been awhile since I've written and for that I apologize. A lot has happened since March. We finished my brother's basement and I got a job at Best Buy so life has been moving very quickly. It's been good being busy as I haven't had a lot of time to reflect on the changes taking place around me. It did occur to me though that right now I may be too busy. I feel like a social part of my life isn't where I would like to be and I am looking to fulfill that. I have gone on a few dates since I last posted but nothing promising. I am still plagued to not find a healthy relationship, perhaps because there are very few persons that share the same view points as me in respect to life and being fulfilled. I deep down value relationships above all else and yet it is the thing that I feel causes the most difficulty to my life. I often feel like many of my friendships and relationships are one sided as I'm the one doing all the work to hang out, to think of stuff to do, and on being flexible on trying new things. As I get older it seems I grow away from particular groups of friends for these reasons and consider their lack of contact and companionship forms of abandonment whether accidental or on purpose. Being through everything I have I know what it means to have a good friend to talk to in need, and it can make all the difference. Unfortunately most my friends would pour their hearts out to me in a second but at the off chance I might be feeling out of place I am felt as if I'm in convincing the people around me.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
POST 18: Desperation
Nothing good comes from desperation, yet still I feel it all the time. In all honesty I'm lonely to the core and often feel lost in life and the events around me. All I really want is to find someone to connect with and love but that hasn't been what I've discovered. In the past my longing for companionship drove me to some edges that I don't care to visit again but yesterday I really turned into an ass. I went above and beyond what I thought I was capable of doing and made decisions that I completely regret on the basis in which they happened. I compromised my values for objects only of this world and it has been burning at me all day. I pray that God directs me on the right path and that I can one day be comfortable enough in my skin to be the man I was destined to become.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
POST 17: The Urge To Write
I often get the urge to write, but when I actually sit down to write out my thoughts I find I've forgotten them and don't really know what I'm thinking about. As you can imagine it's quite frustrating but as of yet I have no cure.
On a side note I've been in a happier mood recently. I've managed to go long distance running nearly every day for more than a week so that's quite an accomplishment for me. Also I have a job. I work at Jimmy Johns which is pretty cool but today was lame as a bunch of people just didn't show up to work making my shift quite hectic. Oh well. Tis life.