POST 9: Believe in Me

I am genuinely interested in the people around me, if I know someone is having a bad day I go out of my way to make it a little bit better. The sad truth now is that my body is tired, my mind is worn out, and I am lost. I believe there is a God and have faith I have a part in his plan. I'm just so sick of nothingness, I've forgotten how to have fun, am terrible with connecting with people and generally don't feel like I get much out of my days anymore. A man cannot survive like this. Am I not grateful for what I have already? I cherish my family, find comfort in nature, and enjoy my friendships but something is missing. I feel as if I am supposed to be ready for something, but I've felt this way for so long it's made me feel compulsive. I know I won't miss it as long as I live in faith but a part of me is afraid I one day might. I just pray that my heart finds peace soon and that my heart is no longer hard. I want to feel again, to breathe life and give joy but for now I'm running on empty with no one giving me the fuel I need. Find it in your heart to believe in me, to pray for some sort of peace in my life. I know there is beauty out their but I no longer want to just hear about it, I want to see it with my own eyes.

POST 8: Humbly Awesome

In relation to posts 6 and 7 I think I'm awesome. Not the coolest person to walk the planet for sure but I really do like myself. I know my personality is really quiet, I have a hard time finding words, that I seem lost most of the time, I don't like flaunting myself (except for right now =P, but that's because no one is looking) and that I'm really don't have a unique quality I can see in myself that draws people towards me. That being said I don't feel like most of those are my fault. For those of you who think this post's intention is to help me rationalize some of the ways I express myself your damn right. I'm not sure why I do things, why I am the way I am, and where I'm going, but I dig it. That's what matters. One day I'll find some people who know I'm not the most eloquent witty person on the planet, that like me anyways. Until then, well I'm not changing my character, just improving what God gave me.

POST 7: I Think Too Much

It's true, you know it and so do I. I'm sorry, I really don't mean to. I think it has a lot to do with my past. My brain is in such SHOCK that it's STILL trying to figure out what the hell happened and what it all means. I know most people can't relate, and that's okay. I just ask that you understand where I'm coming from and if you really want to help out help me by making me laugh/smile when you get the chance. I could totally use someone being a little selfless in my life right now.

I'm serious though; it's been awhile since I've felt like I wasn't initiating everything in my life. It's almost unfathomable to think of doing something without me planning it.

POST 6: Love You

I like to remind myself that you can't really find love without loving yourself. It's a hard pill to swallow because it's hard to love the flaws and faults that make up you. You might not like that you're too shy, or that you talk too much, that your slightly overweight, or that you're not the most entertaining person in the world. I mean, to like oneself with qualities like that would be to accept the mediocre in all of us and leave no drive for improvement. To truly love yourself you must accept yourself as you are, to care about yourself enough to strive for improvement, and to know yourself well enough to value the parts of yourself you would rather die than loose. If you do not feel this way about yourself than there is a very likely probability you will be taken advantage of. The delicate part of you that is most intricate and beautiful can be shattered if its worth is not recognized by you and you alone, for you are truly the only the one that has the access to protect it.

POST 5: What About Now

Today I got to hang out and talk with an awesome girl Erin Larsen who I sadly hadn't seen since summer. After grabbing some food, seeing a movie, and driving downtown for some late night coffee we got to talking a bit. On the way back home me and Erin were talking about relationships, what were looking for, what we think is the best way to handle them etc… That's when Erin really reminded me that I'm only 20 years old; I'm supposed to be having fun right now. For years I've dreaded dating and due to the strain and dedication having a "serious" relationship comes with. I know I'm not very good at those things right now and I've been afraid I would let whoever I dated down. In my heart I've been searching for companionship but too afraid to find it in the event that I would not cherish it. I thank you Erin, because sometimes I forget about just having fun. My mind because of the last few years runs at higher speeds than normal and I've had a bad habit of thinking ESPECIALLY when it comes to relationships. I need to relax and just have fun, because honestly it's been too long since I've had a good dose of it. I'm going to let my heart lead the way from now on. I'm done worrying about the future; let me find genuine love in my everyday life. I feel the best relationships are also amazing friendships and I can't be afraid to fall into them.

POST 4: What I Want

Often it's looked down upon when people think of their wants and want nothing more in life than to obtain them. It's an age old story of not being happy with what you have, striving to have everything, and losing everything after not appreciating it. I can honestly say I find comfort and appreciate the life I have been given. Though some of the events that I've been through that have occurred are not ideal by any means, I accept them as my life and realize I will always be a changed person as a result. Now that I've said that I must confess I do have an ideal life for the future in my head. And while the details don't exactly matter I pray I might one day be blessed with any part of this life.

The first and most important thing I want to do is obey. I do believe there is a God, and that he can make all things good. Without God I would not feel, speak, cry, laugh, think, or even exist. It is to God I owe all things in live and because of my understanding of his kindness and my respect for him I wish to follow him in faith until my last days.

The second thing I want in life is love. I hope to one day to find a girl who will see me in my entirety and accepts me for who I am. I hope to find someone who I can bring more joy and happiness into their world then they ever knew possible and who would try to do the same for me. I want to make a promise to the world and God himself that I can love someone for the entirety of my life.

The third and final thing I want in life is to leave the world a better place than when I entered it. I hope to spread the wisdom and love that I learn over my lifetime to the people around me so that their lives can grow as mine will grow and that they may grow stronger in life and love far beyond me.

POST 3: Meaning Today

I often find myself feeling unfulfilled, striving to fill some place that I'm not quite sure what goes their. I remember feeling whole once, though I don't remember at what point I stopped feeling that way. Now days I find myself searching for meaning. The reason I do things, whether in kindness or selfishness, to better life or detract from it. I may have become so paranoid I doubt I could intentionally do anything selfish or negative. That's a little something I do pride myself on a bit, but by no means does that mean I've found my meaning. No, I reckon something like the meaning of your life can only be accessed after it's already taken place.

BLURB

Just a random thought… I found out that you can post directly from Word into your blog! For those of you who are looking to start a blog this makes life SOO much easier. Message me if you need details on how to do it!

POST 2: Life is full of adventure!

It's time someone admitted it. Life is a perilous and thrilling journey filled with friendship, beautiful scenery, trying times, crazy ex-girlfriends, and a deeper meaning than we ever know until that part of our life has passed us. Yes life has its ups and downs but what really matters is what we take out of them. I think the classic novel Peter Pan had it right, never growing up. I'm not talking about age wise that would just be silly. Instead I'm talking about making sure our hearts stay as children's hearts, always open to receive love, and always willing to give it. There is a reason that as we grow older we think about the best times in our childhood. It's because not only was life simpler, it was purer. If you can identify with that I'm saying at all I want you to do me a favor, keep that child alive at all costs. Don't forget to dance to the tune in your head, watch the clouds go by, laugh at the little things, and especially bring others on your adventure.

POST 1: Intimate Ideas (not the dirty kind)

I don't like to whine, in fact I don't whine. I've just been thinking about something lately and it's been bugging me, it feels almost unnatural. I think it's for the best for all of us that I bring it up. Where have the intimate ideas gone? No… not the dirty kind as my title makes pretty clear. I'm talking about the other intimate ideas. You probably don't know what I'm talking about, I'm sorry I'm talking in vague terms again. Let me try to explain.

I don't feel very connected to people anymore. Maybe I'm weird person but I really enjoy with connecting with people. Ever have conversations with someone that when you walk away you feel some part of your soul has grown and you've discovered some part of yourself you didn't know was there before? I miss that. I don't think it's just me though. I watch people around each other, at school, at work, or at the coffee shop so busy with their lives they've forgotten to let people in. I've always been a little shy but even I can recognize a change in our culture these days. I must remind everyone that it's not weak to connect with people, to share ideas and inspire people. I don't know if I'm the best to offer advice but I do know that this world would be a better place if we shared our hearts to each other a bit more.

 
 

I believe the only way to grow as a person is to connect with someone else. Maybe God scattered life's secrets in the hearts of others and the only way to get them is to form a bond of friendship (love) with one another. Just a thought….

INTRO: Hey there, you don't need no despair.

Let me start out by saying hey. This is my second blog I've ever done and I hope to make this one a little more outgoing so putchwa!

Well, this blog is about not despairing (thus the title). I've been through a lot and will probably go through a lot more but I've learned not to despair. I've spent so many days just stressed out to the point of making myself depressed and sick and it's just unnecessary. It doesn't help you or anybody else so if you get the chance in life to enjoy it, please do so.


Oh boy, I can't tell you how hard it is for me to write!! Not because I don't have much to say, rather the opposite. I have so many ideas going through my head that it's very difficult to choose which ones to put them into words. But as I've promised myself (as if I were writing a book) the title is my subject. And this is the end of my intro so see you on the next post!